You Might Be a Weed Mooch When...
Always bring something to the circle, you know?
Bring something to the circle, man. For real.
Your friend has always been known for the good weed — and he's always going to bring the good weed — but he doesn't want you to just expect the good weed. And there's nothing that we feel more disrespected by than a weed mooch. Except for the government.
So, what are the most hated entities in the cannabis community? One: the government; and two: weed mooches.
What is a mooch?
A mooch in general is someone who always takes without ever giving back. A mooch comes through selfishly to exploit the blessings bestowed upon them, and if ever called out, they may take extreme offense. A mooch is someone that can hear "Yes" a thousand times and still be taken aback after hearing a single "No."
You never want to be a mooch. It's not a good way to treat people, this world, or yourself.
5 signs you might be a weed mooch
If the above sounds like you, or someone you know, here are five characteristics to know for sure — and to cut it out.
1. You never buy weed, but you're always high
This is truly the biggest sign that you're a weed mooch. If you're always part of the session but come empty-handed, you're a weed mooch. If you never contribute any flower — only blunt wraps and joint papers — you're a weed mooch.
Truthfully, your friends who always have weed aren't tripping too much about how much of their stash you're going through, cause smoking with people is always fun, but they are silently annoyed that you never come through, even with a lil' gram to twist up in honor of all the times you haven't.
2. You have a knack for appearing when people start smoking
Is this a safe space for vulnerability and transparency? Am I amongst family? Bet. Truth is, back in my younger days, I was such a weed mooch. It's how, in my years of growth, I'm able to identify them.
In college, when I first started smoking, your boy was working with a budget of $25 per week before getting my hustle up in various ways. It made it where I could never afford (good) weed, but somehow, I was always high. That's because, somehow, I always had divine timing for arriving at a friend's spot right when the blunt was being lit. Shit felt so gross, but shit was my reality, and I knew that I was the worst for it.
If any time some weed gets lit, and you suddenly burst through the door with an "Ohhh, YEAHHHH" like the cannabis Kool-Aid Man, you're a weed mooch, my friend. I evolved from that and so can you.
3. You make the joint run/canoe
People that don't buy their own weed rarely follow the etiquette that we all inherited the first time we burned a joint. It's 'cause they don't be smoking at the crib solo, so they don't know the proper speed to inhale, and the proper airflow needed to protect a perfectly pearled paper.
The result is them sitting there sucking on the joint tip like it's a goddamn Capri Sun, ultimately causing an unbalanced burn and a big waste of good weed. Stop that.
4. Your brain loses focus when there's weed in the air
If you're out there looking for every opportunity to smoke for free, you're going to be on edge, distracted, and anxious any time the scent of inflamed cannabis hits your nose. It's because you don't know when the next time you're going to smoke will be, so you have to Carpe Ingris ("seize the fire" in Latin), or else you might end the night sober.
5. You will smoke with literally anyone that'll let you
Lastly, one of the biggest signs that you're a weed mooch is that you say "Yes" to literally anyone that passes you weed. You don't care about their health records or if their hygiene is up to par. You don't even care what type of weed is in the joint, who grew it, how it was grown — none of that.
A weed mooch doesn't give a shit about weed that "checks all the boxes." They just care about what's available and if they can scam on it.
Moral of the story: don't be a weed mooch
Mooching is a horrible way to participate in a community built on sharing. Even if you can't really afford to smoke as often as you'd like, and you know you're always welcome to burn with the homies, at least come through with a surprise jar here and there to show your gratitude. It goes a long way.